Pointe Shoes - my first rite of passage...

There is a point in a dancer's life that graduates them to the next level. The level that separates you from the the 'baby dancers'....this happens in all genres of dance, but none so transforming as in ballet.

My first genre of dance was ballet. I've been in all different kinds of classes at various studios, yet ballet was my favorite above them. Like all other young ballerinas, I dreamed of dancing on my toes like the big girls. Pointe shoes as they are properly called are the magic pink satin shoes that makes a little girl a woman in ballet.

What are pointe shoes? They are a pink satin (sometimes other in other colors) slippers that have a hard "box" at the toe area allowing a dancer to stand and dance on her toes. This material of the 'box' are traditionally layers of glue and fabric hardened to a stiff, almost wood-like texture. Some modern shoes incorporate other materials such as fiberglass or plastic within the construction. Everything on the shoe is hand stiched and hand made. Lambswool, silicone or foam pads are the only protection inside the shoe with the dancer's foot.
To think something as torturous is so desired and appears seemlessly painless to dance on.

As an advanced dancer at the age of nine, I was always the youngest (and shortest) in class. One by one, I saw my classmates graduate into pre-pointe class and within a short time they had their first pair of pointe shoes. I was almost 10, I was jealous, I tried harder in class, I begged my teacher for them, I took more classes, I begged my mom to find another school to graduate me into pointe right away...to my dismay, none of the tactics worked. I didn't understand why a girl in class just two years older who only had ice skating experience got into pointe shoes in six months or the oldest, yet as skilled as I am get her pointe shoes in time for rehearsing for the recital.
If I knew then (better yet, understood) what I know now, it would save me a load of pain in my later years.

You see, there are more things than just knowing how to dance that graduates you into a dancer who can dance on pointe. First of all, no girl should have any business on pointe before the age of 12. Why? A young girl's body is still developing among a few things...she must possess coordination and stength in her muscles, core, back, and feet. She must be able hold the extra pressure without 'depending' on a barre or another person or akward positioning that would deem dangerous. Simply put, going on pointe early can cause serious damage to the feet, muscle, bone, or tendon development - cutting a potential career short or even worse, permanent injury for life.
In reality, there is no real age to determine a girl's readiness into pointe. A dancer may excel in skill, but she must meet the criteria milstones of development.

At the age of 10, I moved to a new state, new city. We found a school that offered ballet. After what the teacher saw in me, she immediately said I can be on pointe. I had no idea how to fit them, but I got them and had my ribbons sewn on right away! I balanced and practiced, I even slept with them on! I was in heaven! At the age of 10, I was living my dream! Most of all, I was a big girl - a WOMAN!

I danced on point the rest of my pre-teen and teen years compounding injuries I would not feel until later on. Whenever I got hurt, I ignored it like a 'true' dancer. I took all the classes I could, I danced till my feet bled - I am not kidding you on this, but it's a sick thing dancers brag about.
All this would have been avoided had my teacher been more responsible and waited a couple more years for my body to 'mature'.

Now fast forward 10 years after my first year on pointe...I had just recovered from a car accident, finished my therapy and realized how much damage there is to my knees and metatarsal on my feet from ballet. I was crushed. It was no wonder why dancing became more unbearable. It wasn't laziness. It wasn't the accident. It wasn't because I was more involved in another genre of dance, it was because I was put on pointe at a very young age.
Yes, I admit, 10 years old is too young to start on pointe. I would have 'become a woman' in dance eventually. I just foolishly rushed it at a young age.

...but ask any dancer, the feeling when you put on your first pointe shoes is a rush like no other.

[The photo above is a picture of me at age 11]

Blog Hiatus=Room to Grow + Procrastination

It's no secret I tend to procrastinate in certain areas....blogging is one of them. I'm old school and like that personal contact more than the electronic thing. I also have that Face-thingy that keeps me in touch with long distance friends, family, and dancers all around the world.
Someting had to be compromised. This was one of them. Hopefully, I can blog at least once a month - ha ha....we'll see how this goes.

OK, round two...

What has Etoile been up to in the past two years???

Aside from classes, performing, and dancing, I have been rigorously trained under Aziza Sa'id to improve my dance, develop and apply my previous dancing skills both on the floor and behind the scenes. This process she projected will take a few years to fine tune, but I had all the necessary skills and leadership to be successful. With three of my closest dance friends for the past four years we intently listened. We were the grasshoppers of the master - just like that show Kung-Fu.

Late last year, all of us decided to branch out and be on our own - by way of OWNING our OWN studio. It would be three of us heading this business. Talk about being breathless...the ride of being an owner is much more thrilling than a roller coaster ride. You feel every emotion - thrill, elation, fear, anxiety, joy, nausea, all wrapped up with a scream. I cannot begin to tell you the challenges we encountered building this business up. Aside from our dance skills, I had strong marketing skills , sales skills, business skills, my business partner had mad technical skills, admistrative skills, and Aziza of course was the uber master of skill that were not covered between the both of us....seems like a piece-of-cake? Uh, no.

Things like Zoning, location, accessability, permits, contracts, etc. I'm just pulling out the main subjects....getting into details will be as long as our 32 page contract. Get the picture? The business is till in the final stages. More on that later.

Jumping to spring of this year, our world was jolted harshly when an unexpected emergency happened and Aziza had to move away. Now she was miles and miles away, giving us direction remotely. Now not only did we have first line of defense with the entire business by ourselves, but we also took over all the troupes and classes. I felt like I was diffusing a bomb and having the expert give it to me via a staticy radio two miles away that I could barely hear. Aziza's responsibilities are huge. She too has a job out there. We forget she too has a life to maintain, not ours. She cannot live our lives for us, and she has to live hers. Communication between a two hour time zone isn't easy....and she's a busy woman. We take it as it comes. Period.
Things were rough. People compared us to her, people dropped out because they had no faith, people left because they listened to rumors. I heard the good things and the not so good things. This saddened me.

I felt like I was pushed out of the nest too early - I didn't need this....feeling almost discouraged with what I saw and heard.

Just....

Then....

As I started to question myself....

It. Hit. Me.

We had been trained all along. We already HAD the info and knowledge all along. We had been trained effectively. It was there all along and we are already doing it. What happens happens. What choices am I to make today that will affect my tomorrow? I asked myself, does the forest only contain 100 trees? NO! There are more...and new ones grow every day. I needed not to stand in the compost, but to plant the new seeds to make it grow to it's full potential....
So, it's time to get off my duff and recollect to become the new Phoenix.
What we have now is the dawn of a new era. Composed from the old...and reborn anew. The forest will be green again. I shall conntinue to dance.

Lesson learned again. Listen to your dreams and aspirations, don't listen to or let others discourage or put down what you aspire to do....

Just as I tell my students, I will never allow anyone to quesion or discourage what you love to do.